If you’ve never been through a divorce, this article touches on a few things that you may least anticipate when it comes to divorce.
As a divorce attorney in Tampa, I have witnessed the financial and emotional toll that litigation can take on a person. One of the items this article touches on is the toxicity of divorce court, and the author isn’t exaggerating. While the author is not suggesting unhappy couples stay married simply to avoid divorce court, I do advise my clients of alternatives such as mediation or collaborative practice that can save both parties money, time and emotional turmoil. In any case, if you’re preparing to file for divorce you may find this article informative so you know what could lay ahead of you in this process.
Original Article from www.scarymommy.com | By: Alison Jacobson for Divorced Moms
4 Things to Know Before You File For Divorce
Let’s be real, divorce sucks. It’s a lot like childbirth, and if someone told you what it would be like, you might not ever do it. But then you’d regret it for the rest of your life. Sure, there are a few of those amicable divorces and the “conscious uncouplings,” but they are few and far between.
I was divorced in 2010. I asked for a divorce in 2008, but it took two years actually to get it done. And don’t think it’s because we were arguing over some tremendous fortune. Quite the opposite, we were arguing over tremendous debt.
It was ridiculous and took an emotional and physical toll on me. No one in my family had ever gotten a divorce, and my only friend who had divorced did it when she was in her early 20s, and there were no kids involved. I was in unchartered territory. While I never expected it to be easy, I had no idea of some of the issues I would face.
Below are a few other things that no one ever told me that I wish I had known before I filed for divorce:
1. Divorce court is a horrible, toxic place.
The greatest piece of advice I give to people is that at all costs, avoid going to divorce court. You’ll end up spending money that you could have saved for retirement or your kid’s college fund. On top of that, a courtroom is one of the worst places I can imagine. It’s kind of like a zombie apocalypse.
Seriously, I was in court about 48 days over the course of two years. I was on a first-name basis with the bailiffs. I witnessed the ugliest sides of people coming in and out of various legal cases. I would literally come home and take two showers after being there because I felt dirty. If you’re thinking of getting a divorce, visit a courthouse and see what it’s like. You need to steel yourself to the toxic environment.
2. The friends you’d least expect to abandon you, will.
You can assume you will lose some friends, but amazingly it’s sometimes the people you’d least expect. It’s hurtful beyond belief, and you’ll spend years agonizing over what happened. Ultimately, you need to accept that you might never understand why a friendship ended, but cherish the relationship you once had and lovingly let it go.
3. If you have kids, you’ll never be truly divorced.
The reality is that you’re going to have to deal with your ex forever. You will see him at every visitation pickup and drop-off. You will have to negotiate medical issues, school issues, and anything involving your underaged children.
As they grow up, you’re going to be at graduations, at weddings, and eventually interacting with grandkids. It will be a lot less stressful for you and your kids if you find a way to make peace. I’m fortunate that my husband and his ex-wife are good friends. In fact, we’ve had dinners together, and she’s taken my daughters shopping with her and my stepdaughter.
4. Material possessions become way less important.
Pre-divorce you’re worried about your kids having to move out of the house they’ve lived in and not being able to afford summer camp. You might be used to having a housekeeper, getting weekly manicures, and going on shopping sprees.
Then, you find yourself wrapped up with divorce attorneys, and your money gets wiped out. Suddenly you realize that none of the stuff being fought over matters as much as you and your kids’ happiness. I ended up declaring bankruptcy after my divorce. It was devastating.
If you are considering divorce in Tampa, FL and are looking for an expert in family and marital law, please contact Kirkner Family Law Group, P.A. to set up your consultation, (813) 254-0156.
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